Reflections of a 30 something...

I had typed this horribly long blog about my life. Was it funny, yes, entertaining, certainly. To long to read - absolutely.....so I would like to try to condense it. Lets see how that goes!

As I approach 30, rather quickly I might add, I've thought a lot about how "old" that seems. Not in reality...as I know, 30 is not old. In fact, it's quite young. In 30 years though, my life has been full...fuller and more fulfilling than I could have ever dreamed possible.

Life in the first 10 or 12 years starts out fairly slow. Regular stuff: Barbies, big wheels, Kool Aid stands, scraped knees, stolen bikes, found bikes, dead pets, new pets, laughing, sleep overs, new schools, old friends, new friends...all sorts of fun kids stuff. There was also the "duck stage", that awkward stage between childhood and adolescence. That time when nothing fits quite right, your hair is never coiffed properly and your glasses and teeth are both way too big for your face. It's a rough patch for sure!

The next 5 or 6 years is when it all gets really interesting and seemingly complicated. Now, looking back, it wasn't that complicated at all. Granted, in that moment in my life, some of the things were horribly difficult to deal with. There were the fun moments with friends, cheer leading, banquets, parties, sleep overs, date nights, Spirit Weeks, all the fun stuff that came along with High School. There were of course the awkward and less then fun moments...notes of contempt from dear friends, break ups, stolen boyfriends, car accidents and broken collar bones - not yours but your best friends..that YOU inflicted! First kisses, first drivers ed test - followed by two more to finally pass! Term papers, silly girl fights, tests you barely pass, quizzes you breeze through. I experienced my first, second and third experience with death during these years, a family member and two friends.

By the end of high school, I had chosen a college, breezed through the ACT's and taken an AWESOME senior trip...a trip on which I would meet, my future husband for the first time. At first meeting I was less than impressed with the young man, but he would rock my world, just a few months later!

The end of the year was met with a very difficult choice for me...a choice that was HORRIBLY difficult to make, but a right one. I would loose my first love and be devastated, but secure in the fact that I had chosen what I felt the Lord had for me.

The next few years were a whirlwind. I would officially, meet, date, break up with, take breaks from, chase and run away from, the most wonderful and Godly man, the Lord has ever allowed to cross my path. I was shocked with the way this young man would take over my heart so quickly and how soon I would be certain that he was what God had for me. I love the way that Matt says that I "chased and chased him, until he finally caught me"...which is so completely true.

I would cram 3 years of college into two and still not finish my studies...that boy got hold of me and I just had to marry him. I met wonderful friends and had the time of my life. I would experience a great loss, with the sudden death of my sweet mamaw, I would get food poison at her funeral dinner! I had three roommates my freshmen year, one my best friend from college, the other a girl from Japan and the other a girl from Yugoslavia. Neither spoke great English. My friend and I would often joke that we had the UN meeting in our room!

College was a wonderful experience and one I will never regret doing! It was a great time of growth and change in my life. It helped me realize a bit more who I was.... I had the honor of working for Dr. Jerry Falwell and had a full ride scholarship. I'm still not sure what possessed me to give that all up and get married...oh yes I am, his name is Matt!

The next 5 or 6 years were WOW!

Wow is the best descriptor I can think of....
I was married to my wonderful man in 2000. I would walk an "aisle" in the Rose Garden at The Henry Ford Museum. At the end of that aisle was a man that I have saved myself for and he for me. I was honored and proud that he and I both choose to keep ourselves pure and experience something extremely special and rare with each other that night. We honeymooned, traveled and slept in on a regular basis!

I fell pregnant after only a few months of marriage, only to be devastated when, on Christmas Day, I miscarried our little one. The love that grew inside of me, even for such a short time was immense. It was also a feeling I longed to experience once again. The speed with which this was to happen was not at all like I planned...

In between we would weep at the brush with death that my father in law had and rejoice with tears of joy, when the Lord chose to spare his life. We would struggle with anxiety issues and work through it all.

We struggled with infertility for a year before I finally became pregnant. We prayed, begged, pleaded and were angry with God during that time.... I prayed Hannah's prayer over and over again. I asked God specifically for a son. The second I saw that double pink line, I knew, without a doubt that God had given us a son and his name had to be Samuel and nothing else!

That big bundle of joy would arrive, two days over due, weighing in at a whopping 9 ounds, which wasn't all that impressive, until you added in the 15 inch head and chest and the 22.5 inches long that he was! He made his mommy suffer for almost 2 days before making his noisy debut two days late. He made his entrance with lots of pomp and circumstance...daddy passed out and the c-section was an emergency. He would struggle for a bit after birth, but has proven to be our healthiest child. My life changed forever that day. I heard that cry for the first time and knew I'd never hear a sound sweeter than that. I was wrong...I would hear a sound equally as sweet...two more times in fact. It was a joy to watch Sammy experience all his firsts...and I especially loved his laugh. There is not a much sweeter sound that a babies belly laugh!

My pregnancy with S was relatively uneventful except for preeclampsia and a MASSIVE weight gain. Had the regular morning sickness that lasted a bit longer than expected, but nothing big. We moved into a new home and set into a routine. I was thrown for a loop when the Lord gifted us with the middle child....

S was just 4 months old when I got pregnant with M! The couple who would have to use IVF to get pregnant had managed to do so again and in record time! This pregnancy was a nightmare! Morning sickness plagued me all day long, for nine months. I would puke, puke and puke some more. I actually lost weight that pregnancy and went against all my better judgement and took medication once dehydration became an issue. I had to function and couldn't spend all my time puking with a 4 month old crawling around...S would press his little face to the baby gate that was in the bathroom doorway and babble to me as I heaved up whatever was left in my tummy.

M made his debut, right on schedule, 10 days early. He tried to sneak in at 35.5 weeks, but the kind Doctors at the hospital wouldn't allow him to do so....

His delivery was calm, scheduled and quick. The Doctor set some sort of hospital record in fact with his delivery. My little peanut came into the world weighing 8pounds and had that whopping head and chest like his brother...but was a bit more delicate looking with a 14.5 inch head!! He was healthy and wonderful. Cried and cried and cried some more, which seemed to be his course for the next 6 months. He was our high matience little one.

I went back to subbing and cried like a baby the first day I had to leave my boys at home. I was thrilled when I was able to stop and stay home all the time with my boys. We would loose Matt's grandma during this time as well.

Baby O, would make his debut after only 36.5 weeks baking. He surprised us all...both in his conception and his appearance. I thought two babies was all that was in store for us as Matt was convinced that two babies would be all he could handle. Thank the Lord and the makers of a faulty contraceptive, our little O came into the world kicking and screaming. My pregnancy with him was much like my second one, only the sickness wasn't as severe. It did last the whole pregnancy, but was I was at least functional with him! O was our easy, laid back baby. Went with the flow and just loved being with his mommy, daddy and brothers.

After O was born, Matt started a new job and was laid off after six months. Thankfully, he had a job to return too! The Lord was caring for us. We lost Matt's other grandpa, right before Owen was born. I had a horrible time with post partum issues and am still not immune to the ugly beast of panic and OCD.

We have experienced many things in the last 6.5 years since our children were born. A world of firsts...and hopefully lasts! I cried as I watch my oldest walk into school for the first time on his own, and cried a bit harder when that day was a full day of school. We struggled over the decisions of where to send the kids to school and when to send them. We;ve cheered at first soccer goals, endured eternity long tball games and laughed at our boys who thought that laying on the soccer field was a better idea than actually playing!

We had first steps, first teeth, lost blankies, and weaning from the paci. We've battled bad dreams, illness, and missing blankies. We've faced health issues with our middle and last boys. We've had a son diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and one with a vision issue in one of his eyes. We rejoice in the Lord and the healing that we know he will provide for us.

We've wept with friends and family members who have lost children, before they ever breathed their first breath here on earth and wept even harder at their burials. We've seen friends married and babies born. I lost a grandfather this past year as well.

My 30 years have been full. They have been blessed. They are far more wonderful than I could have ever dreamed possible. The Lord has blessed my life far above what I could have asked for. The years have not been without heartache or grief, but they have been filled more with joy and laughter.

I'm looking forward to what the next 30 have in store!