Not Me

Therapy time.....

I did not buckle O into his "big boy" car seat this week to see how he did. I know he's not quite there on the weight yet, so I'd never try to use the booster seat.

Since I didn't use the booster feature on the seat, I did not, while driving down a BUSY road, feel a tap on my shoulder. I didn't look in the mirror to see my 3 year old dancing around the back of the van. My children NEVER unbuckle their seat belts while driving.

I am not still wearing the same shirt that I slept in two nights ago. I did not, decide on Sunday morning that it looked and smelled clean still and wore it to church. I always wear clean fresh clothes.

I did not justify wearing the afore mentioned shirt because I was "teaching the preschool class" and would just get dirty anyway...

I certainly did not tell S to, "just go get the pants you wore to church yesterday", because I was too lazy to go and get the clean jeans out of the dryer. I always have everyone's school clothes set out and ready to go each morning.

I definitely did not yell "shut up" to my 6 year old this weekend. I am always composed, kind and loving.

O did not have to go and get his head glued shut this week. While having his head glued shut, I did not place two large paper clips in his hair like make shift barettes. The docotr didn't glue the rubber glove to his head either. At one point, I did not have a son, with two giant paper clips, a bloody head, and a rubber glove hanging from his forehead....

We did not traumatize S, after he caused the bloody head either. WE certainly didn't make him look closely at his baby brothers bloody head and tell him that he would now have to get NEEDLES in his head....we did not overhear S in the bathroom praying for his baby brother a few minutes later...that moment did not make my heart happy.

I did not beam with pride when M's para told me that during a lock down drill at school this week, he told the other kids not to be afraid because: "JESUS IS ALWAYS WITH US"...I am a modest mother who is never ultra proud of her babies!

Who Isn't?!?

I took O to the doctors to get his head fixed and was greeted by a HUGE sign that read like this:

***If you have ANY of the following symptoms, please see the staff at the front desk and a mask will be provided for you, free of charge:
**Coughing
**Body Aches
**Fever
**Chills
**Fatigue
**Vomiting
**Diarrhea
**Severe Congestion

GREAT...I need like four masks just for my ailments and I'm quite sure I don't have influenza of any kind...piggy or regular!
It's fall in Michigan. The high temperatures have ranged from 40 degrees to 71 degrees - all in the last WEEK!! If you have even a touch of seasonal allergies they have been thrown into the funk to end all funks!!
Cough - check, Congestion - check, Stomach upset - check (I ate McDonalds today)...Fatigue - CHECK, CHECK, CHECK - not that I'm a mommy of three boys would be a contributor to the fatigue thing...
The nurse and I were joking when O went back into the room. I told her who doesn't have at least ONE of those problems right now! You'd think they'd have to raise their rates just to provide masks to all the people who would need them!!

Gotta Get Me Some

I have gotta get me some of that awesome glue they use at the doctors office. You know that stuff that glues open flesh back together....that's some good glue!

Here is how our Monday evening unfolded:
Dinner was finishing on the stove and in the oven.
I was vacuuming the rung
Daddy was changing out of his work clothes.
The boys were playing in their room.
Mommy hears a scream and cry...over the hum of the vacuum cleaner...that's NEVER good.
I tell daddy to please go check on the boys.
I hear daddy yelling: "WHAT HAPPENED?!?!"
I turn off the vacuum.
I go to boys room to hear the story that goes something like this:
**O was playing with my big dolphin
**I told him to give it back and stop
I'm sure you can finish the story here.
I grabbed O from daddy when I saw the blood on his head...and not just a little blood. It was by no means as bloody as I would have thought though. For this I am grateful.
I took O to the kitchen counter and attempted to wash off the cut. I pushed his sweet little boy curls off to the side and saw that stitches were DEFINITELY in his future.
We've had two other moments where they were debatable and we chose to "tape" them shut...this one was not "tapeable"...is tape able a word?!?
We took O to show S his head and explained to him that O would now have to go and get a needle in his head to fix the damage. S was significantly traumatized and started crying.
I also heard S in the bathroom a few minutes later praying for O, then he took O his Jesus Fish necklace to wear. It was a sweet moment. S apologized and all was well. M kept bringing him all the toys he thought he'd like to play with and kept looking at him with the horribly concerned look in his eye.
We loaded the van when the bleeding was all done and went to...McDonalds. Yes, McDonalds. O requested a cheeseburger for dinner (remember, I was in the middle of making dinner). We ran through the drive thru and headed to the doctors.
I was thankful our doctor's office was still open so I didn't have to mess with the ER or Urgent Care.
We were greeted at the door of the doctors office with a GIANT saying you to get a mask if you think you have the flu...that's another blog in an of itself!
We go in and asses the situation. After a conversation with the doctor about how I don't care if she has to cut the front of his hair...she is relieved that I don't care...and we decided to glue instead of stitch. It would have needed at least 4 stitches...I thought two...guess I was wrong!
The nurse comes in and rubs some numbing cream on the outside for us. I place two LARGE paper clips in O's hair to keep his hair from falling in the bloody and creamy mess. He looks hysterical running around the office with two giant clips in his hair!
The doctor comes in and tells me about how I have to be super careful to NOT touch the glue while she is working. She says I'll be stuck for a week! I agree and we go on our merry way. She did awesome, even sitting on the floor next to me and O while I read O a Thomas book.
Round 1 of glue didn't work. Dr. Kramar went to stand up to get more glue and realized her glove was indeed stuck to Mr. O's forehead.
He was quite a site...two giant paper clips, a bloody head and a rubber glove glued to his forehead! I wish I would have had a camera at that moment!
Round two of glue proved a success and no gloves were glued on that time!
O was a champ! He didn't fuss or fight...well he did when the glove was glued to his head. I guess he didn't like that. Before we were even home, O had the bandaid and half the steri strips off the cut...let's hope that awesome glue keeps holding!!

Thousand Words...or Less

If a picture paints a thousand words, than these two photos speak volumes! These two pics may be my favorite photos of the boys! It couldn't have captured their personalities any better! S, isn't paying a lick of attention, which is par for the course. M, is smiling...probably because I promised him doughnuts if he'd smile. O, well, O, is being himself. My ham of a child. Always silly and just bored with the whole thing!

Not Me Novel

I did not do the following things this week nor did I have enough of these moments to fill several weeks of posts!

*Pull over in a parking lot to allow my three year old to pee in an old Chuck E Cheese cup. I always make my children use the bathroom in designated facilities.

*Realize, while driving home from a photo shoot, that I had forgotten to pick up my youngest from the babysitter. I NEVER forget about my children.

*Eat an entire bag of dark chocolate Chex Mix...in one sitting. That stuff is NOT delicious and I am not a piglet!

*Have to rewash two loads of laundry because I forgot to switch them to the dryer...I'm always on top of housework.

*Let my oldest boys go to school two days without having their hair brushed. My children are always perfectly "coiffed" before leaving the house.

*I CERTAINLY did not, TWICE in one day, misplace my car keys, AFTER unlocking the doors and putting O in his car seat. I am not that absent minded and can remember where I put things...especially 5 minutes after I put them there!

*During a yard sale this week, I did not look up to see O, standing, "nakey butt" in the door way with a roll of toilet paper. He did not declare, loudly, "I pooped, come wipe my butt". I also did not have a yard full of people at the time! My kids have perfect manners.

*My son did not come home sick from school on Friday with a fever. Once he was home for a bit and I rechecked his temperature, he did not come back with no fever. The school is always on top of those types of things.

*Upon arrival at my husbands work party this Friday, we did not sit in the van and watch people enter the party. We also did not scope out the dress of the people who were entering. I also did not take off as much of my costume as possible when I saw how few people had dressed up...I am confident enough in myself to rock a Halloween costume regardless of everyone else.

*I did not make my 7 year old stuff his foot into a sock sized for a 3 year old because there were no others clean. We always have clean clothes and plenty of appropriate footwear.

*My poor husband did not get accused of saying a "swear word" during a presentation he did at church on Sunday...his saying "Jack asked me to"...Did not get interpreted Jacka**....poor guy. He did not think it was really funny either. We always have full decorum and are professional.

Just a few of my moments...there are many, many more!

Silly Sayings

My kids make me laugh...they also make me want to cry, yell, pull my hair out, etc. O has this adoreable little way of saying things, mostly things that are sassy, and it makes Matt and I laugh. At least for now. We are certain that in a few short years, it won't be funny any more. Like when we tell O, please don't walk across the top of the couch - that is pushed up against the windows - because it isn't safe. O's reply: "I cannot fall". Or the conversations that go like this, O, please put your glasses back on...where are you glasses...and his response is: "I did not hide them mommy"....funny and cute now, but I can see into our future and almost hear our sixteen year old son...and somehow it isn't so funny.

What was funny was S today. He was getting dressed for school and I was helping him. He told me he wanted to wear a belt to school. He found a belt, tucked his shirt into his jeans and came to show me his new look. I had to hold back a chuckle at his look...he had tucked his bulky shirt into his slim jeans and looked..well...silly. I of course assured him that he looked handsome. The response I got was unexpected, but horribly funny. He told me: "I know I look handsome, I just looked in the mirror and ALMOST WHISTLED AT MYSELF"!!

S HATES when people laugh at things he says, unless, he is telling a joke, and it took everything Matt and I had to not laugh hysterically!!

And M....M can't stop acting like a Transformer long enough to say much...everything has to do with Transformers. Even getting dressed involves sound effects and songs!

My boys do make me laugh!

Not Me

This week was an interesting week...but today alone had enough NOT ME moments to fill a book - or at least a blog!

Today, I did not, in an attempt to log onto our online banking acount, cause the bank to freeze our account. I know all our passwords and enter them correctly the first time.

Upon realizing that the account was frozen I did not have to hurry and dress to take my kds to school and drop my husband at work so that I could get to the bank as soon as it opened.

I definitely did not raid M's piggy bank to get enough cash to put in the gas tank so I didn't run out of gas before I got to the bank...I always have enough money for essentials.

I certainly did not rush to the bank to find out that my error alone froze the account. I did not laugh and breathe a huge sigh of relief!

I didn't realize that in my haste to get out the door this morning, that I had given S, NIGHT TIME cold medicine before he went to school. I am always prepared and aware of what I'm doing.

I did not call the school right away to tell them that if I HAD given S, that medicine, he could call home if he just seemed too sleepy....the secratary did not laugh at me and assure me that this isn't the first time it's happened!

O, DEFINTELY get bit by my mom and dad's dog.

After, calming O, from the dog bite, he didn't get, I didn't hear M screaming. I went downstairs to find that S, certainly hadn't thrown a rock and hit him in the chin with it. My kids know that we NEVER throw stones.

After cleaning my house up and while making dinner, M and O, didn't come in the house, covered in a wet sandy mess. They did not keep their dirty shoes, socks, pants and shirts on and trapse through my house stomping (or so it seemed) with every step. My sons know the proper way to come into the home and what to do when they are dirty.

Just a few of my not me moments for this week!