Where Do I Start....

Where do I start? What will I do?

All questions that have gone through my mind repeatedly since O was born.

Who can I help and how do I find them?

More questions....I have no answers to.

Maybe you can help...help me figure out where to start and who to help first....

It is difficult to find people who understand. People who are educated on the issue. It's even harder to find people who are empathetic, who sympathize with what your going through.

Many people try to dismiss the realness - if that's a word - of post partum issues. Let me assure you folks - THEY ARE REAL!

No vitamin, exercise, book, guru or the like will make it go away. I was wisely told...."Time, is your best friend and your worst enemy when it comes to this issue". And it was. Time was moving at a snails pace...days would drag on and nights would pass even slower. Time was not my friend in that aspect. Time was my best friend...it was what my body and mind needed to regulate itself.

I struggle, still, to not get angry at people who dismiss the mental health issues. I also feel that people are over medicated and under disciplined. I know that medications are abused and over used. That doesn't negate that mental health issues are quite real for many people.
I don't think that everyone should be medicated...because your going through a sad time...a time of depression, doesn't mean you need medication. There is a difference between clinical depression and being depressed - a BIG difference. You can go through times in your life where you face panic and anxiety issues...and these times can be brief for some. For others, it's a way of life. Something they deal with everyday...something that is as common as eating or even breathing for them. You can't function in an anxious, panicky state...it's impossible. I said all that to say this: I do believe in taking medication. Believer or not...I think it's a necessary evil for many people. I don't however believe that so many people should be medicated. I think, as a society, we don't want to feel sad - and who does. Sad is a part of life that we must deal with though...we have to feel. If you were wondering...I take medication daily myself still. Mostly to control the OCD. I thankfully have been able to lower my dose by half over the last year! I am at a point now where reciting scripture and refocusing myself works wonders - most days.

I thought, after O was born, that if one more person told me.."Oh, you just have the baby blues", I would either scream, or punch them right in there faces....thankfully, I did neither. Baby blues is also real...I had that too. Baby blues goes away though...quickly. You cry for two weeks and get over it. Thinking your going to stab yourself isn't baby blues....it's another problem. I would think that was common sense, but not so much.

One of the biggest problems we face is getting woman to admit they are struggling. Many women are embarrassed or nervous to say..."hey, something isn't quite right". Women who are believers are especially prone to this. I think we often feel like...if I just read my Bible more or pray more...than this will go away. I can't tell you how many times, in those three months, Satan used my faith against me. I would often cry because I thought I surely couldn't be saved and feel this way...Satan knows when our mind is weak...he will sneak in whenever he can.

Everyone, kept saying that the fact that I was talking about it was a good sign. I didn't want to talk about it...but I did. I felt like if someone didn't know I felt crazy then I was going to be more crazy...if that makes sense! It's hard to hide a panic attack though...almost impossible I'd imagine. Anxiety can be disguised a bit easier...panic, not so much.

I feel like there is such a stigma associated with post partum issues. Thankfully, even some celebrities are speaking out on their issues...people in the public eye, admitting that these things are real, helps bring more light to an issue. I wish, we could get a "high profile" christian figure to speak out on it....

I personally, didn't want to talk to anyone who hadn't been where I was. If you hadn't felt like you wanted to die or felt like you could crawl out of your skin...I didn't want to talk to you. If you thought I was just crazy...I didn't want to talk to you. My best friend and I didn't talk for a while...someone, I talk to everyday and hang out with constantly....had never been there. She wouldn't understand.

I understand...how do I get the word out to people that need someone to understand.