Diabetes Stinks

Sometimes, being the parent of a child with a chronic illness stinks, BAD! Please, don't get me wrong. I am by no means complaining. I know that M's disease(s) are manageable and much better than other things we could face.

Is is annoying to nag your child to check his sugar, yes. Does it get old, changing wet sheets from sugars that run to high and cause accidents at night, sure does. Do I hate having to stop M from running to play because he has to be dosed right away, I sure do. Do I dislike having to stay up an hour longer than normal to recheck sugars that aren't right late in the evening, yeppers. Am I grateful that it's only diabetes - you bet!

It's not the inconvenience of his illness that's the most difficult - it's the mental pain for M that's the toughest.

He was so young at his initial diagnosis - just a few weeks after his 4th birthday - that I don't think the gravity of his illness was real to him. It was just something annoying he had to do. He had to take 4 shots every day and get his finger poked even more than that. He had to eat when he wasn't hungry and couldn't eat when he was. It was a pain in the butt for him - literally!

With his pump, things got easier for him and us. He can function more like a normal child. He can eat when other kids eat and what they eat. He doesn't have to have special food or treats and it takes him just a minute or two to check his sugar and dose.

As he gets older it's starting to bother him more. He knows he's different. You can only convince your child that their illness makes them "special" for so long. I think he's to the point where if diabetes is "special" he'd rather be regular. He doesn't like that instead of going right out to recess after lunch with the other kids, he has to stop and check his sugar and or dose himself. He doesn't appreciate that if he's in gym or computers when it's time to have his afternoon check, that he has to leave early to take care of it. It's annoying he says. We've told him - tough luck duck, that's life for you right now - and we move on. He seems to accept it.

We've had moments of heartbreak with M though. A few years ago, during a bad high sugar spell, M felt horrible. We couldn't get it down, he had ketones...it was a mess. He fell on the floor and cried.."why won't God just heal me now mommy". I hated that.

He's asked similar things since then to us and his grandparents. He doesn't understand why God won't make him better. Having a theology discussion with a 7 year old about how the Lord chooses to answer our prayers in different ways is tough, I assure you of that.

We hit an all time low last month when M started crying. He was sitting on his bed and the tears just started to flow. When I asked him what was wrong, I expected an answer like, S hit me or O took my book/toy. Nope - what I heard was: "Mom, I'm scared I'm going to die soon, before everyone else because of my diabetes"....rip mommas heart out right then.

I scooped him up right away and took him the living room to talk with us. We did our best to explain that as long as he took good care of himself and his diabetes that he could live a long and healthy life just like everyone else. I didn't bother to explain how we were told that people with Type 1 diabetes typically have a shortened life span of 10 years because, well, I don't like to think of it like that.

We talked to him about all the changes and advances the medical community is making and how many wonderful things are on the horizon. He seemed to accept that and wanted to be sure that everyone was still praying for him to get better. We told him they were.

I wasn't ready for it. M, is our laid back, fun loving kid. He doesn't worry much about anything. He lives in his imagination most days. He loves to play pretend and make up wild stories about super hero's and Star Wars. Reality almost seems too much for him...maybe it is. It's too much for me most days.

One Day

One day I'll get disciplined and loose the weight I desperately need to loose.
One day I'll get motivation and paint the two rooms that NEED painted and the one room I want to paint...wonder which one will get done first?!?!
One day I won't yell at my children.
One day my children will obey the first time.
One day my house will be clean all the time. People will be able to stop by on a whim and I won't have to panic to grab any dirty socks, random toys or dishes while the people exit their vehicle and walk to my door.
One day I will know what is on TV during the day besides Nick Jr. and Disney shows.
One day I will grocery shop and not buy fruit snacks, Trix yogurt and Lunchables.
One day I won't have to hunt under boys beds and in their little covers for all the white socks and their mates.
One day I won't have to wonder how all the water, dirt, mud and rocks get in my house.
One day I won't trip over trains and matchbox cars or step on LEGO'S.
One day I won't have to buy toothpaste that cost almost $4 in order to get my children to brush their teeth.
One day I won't have to yell things like: let go of the cat, don't jump from the top bunk to the other bed and get your hands out of there!
One day I won't have to panic at 7am about how I'm going to sneak the "tooth fairy" money under the pillow of an already awake child who is searching frantically for it!
One day I won't grumble under my breath as I clean the bathroom and wonder how pee got THERE?!?!

Today, I will enjoy these things - because ONE DAY, I'll miss this!